(Rebloggable by request.)
Oh wow. Ohhhhhhh wow.
What person does the same thing over and over and expects different results each time? An insane person. Or a douchebag. I suspect you are one of the two.
Here’s a short story for you: Today, I was walking from one class to another. On my way across campus, I walked by a guy who was kind of dancing to some music on his speakers. As I passed him, he turns to me, starts kind of walking with me, and says something along the lines of, “I really like your sunglasses. You’re beautiful.” I ignored him and kept walking and I could tell he was peeved. What you don’t understand is that not only was I not asking for comments on my appearance from a stranger (or anyone, really), in a rape culture — which we definitely live in — his comments came off as threatening. I was scared. I picked up my pace. I didn’t want to stop and say thank you and have him be even creepier. I didn’t owe him anything just because he commented on my appearance.
Here’s another view from an anonymous person who wrote me in a while ago. Here’s my response to another person who probably has the same views as you. Here’s a quote that sums up my thoughts quite well:
“There’s a poisonous double standard in our society which says that it’s reverse-sexist and wrong for women to feel threatened by creepy-awkward male behavior because our fear implies that we hold the negative, stereotypical view that All Men Are Predators, but that if we’re raped or sexually assaulted by any man with whom we’ve had prior social interaction – and particularly if he’s expressed some sexual or romantic interest in us during that time – it’s reasonable for observers to ask what precautions we took to prevent the assault from happening, or to suggest that we maybe led the guy on by not stating our feelings plainly. The result is a situation where women are punished if we reject, avoid or identify creepy men, and then told it’s our fault if we’re assaulted by someone we plainly ought to have rejected, avoided, identified.”
Here’s the article that comes from.
Point is, if people aren’t responding to your compliments well, it’s probably because you’re being fucking creepy. Even if by some chance you’re not, you’re likely still a douchebag purely for the fact that you’re only doing something “nice” because you expect something in return and get mad when things don’t go quite as expected without even bothering to think of the implications behind it.
One last thing, from my suggested reading material to you.
Acknowledge that you don’t get to define other people’s comfort level with you. Which is to say that you may be trying your hardest to be interesting and engaging and fun to be around — and still come off as a creeper to someone else. Yes, that sucks for you. But you know what? It sucks for them even harder, because you’re creeping them out and making them profoundly unhappy and uncomfortable. It may not seem fair that “creep” is their assessment of you, but: Surprise! It doesn’t matter, and if you try to argue with them (or anyone else) that you’re in fact not being a creep and the problem is with them not you, then you go from “creep” to “complete assbag.”
Well, i guess i can agree with both the persons.
I find that with some men I get very bad vibes from them. Something about them makes me feel threatened, and I get nervous. It’ll happen on different scales. Some men I’ll feel simply weary of, whereas another man will be talking to me and I’m fearing for my life. It doesn’t happen with all. Some I get a nice vibe and they make me feel very comfortable and pleasant. And it’s not because I’m judging them, I’m just subconsciously protecting myself.
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